


Why didn't you tell me?

by The_Littlest_Raindrop



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Hange knows all, Light Angst, You Have Been Warned, there will be sexy times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 06:00:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11708283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Littlest_Raindrop/pseuds/The_Littlest_Raindrop
Summary: After years of longing for the enigmatic leader of the survey corp, you've all but given up hope. That is, until Hange spills the beans on someone else's feelings





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all,
> 
> I'd like to point out that this is my first ever attempt at writing fan fiction *sweats nervously* so please be gentle with me. 
> 
> As I've no doubt you'll see, I do have trouble with mixing the past tense and present tense, but I hope that doesn't put you off too much. 
> 
> As a final addendum, this work is un-beta'd, so there may be a few more mistakes. But I promise I'm trying my best.
> 
> With that in mind, here it is. My first fan fic. Enjoy :)

The sun shone brightly at Survey Corps HQ. The newest recruits were busy sparring in the courtyard with Mike, sweating profusely in the mid day heat. Oh what you wouldn't have given to join them. You'd spent your morning mucking out the horses. Alas, it needed doing, and you've never minded getting your hands dirty. And it gave you a decent excuse to use the bathroom before what is sure to be an interesting afternoon.

You smiled to yourself in the mirror. You've been a member of the survey corps for six years, and in that time so much has changed. New recruits, new challenges, and, most importantly, a devastatingly handsome new commander. 

Ah yes, Commander Erwin Smith. Eyebrow fanatic and tactical genius. And of course, the subject of your infatuation for quite some time now. You just can't help the way your heart flutters every time he looks you directly in the eyes, or the heat that consumes your body whenever he's near you. It's enough to make you quietly slip a hand between your legs most nights in your bed at the barracks, your mind creating the most delicious images of his blonde hair between your legs…

A rather loud THUD against the bathroom door brings you straight back into reality. Now really wasn't the time to be thinking of such things, especially given who you were assisting this afternoon. 

'Heyyyyyyy, come on outttttttt. We've got Titans to research!' Came Hange's over-eager voice from outside the door.

'Just a second, Section Commander!' Came you startled reply. Honestly, with timing like that, it's almost as if the somewhat-crazy SC had read your mind! Perish the thought! You've yet to disclose your feelings toward Commander Smith to anyone, and having a blabbermouth like Hange find out would spell disaster. 

Stepping out of the bathroom in your fresh uniform, you're greeted by the sight of Moblit trying to talk Hange out of something (as usual). 

'Please, Section Commander! Reconsider! There's so much data left to consolidate from the last Titan we captured, we really don't need to try and capture another one today! Besides, we'd never get the clearance from the Commander! There's no way he'd let us…' Moblit was cut off suddenly by the sound of Hange's laughter. 

'Oh Moblit, you didn't think we were going today, did you?! Ha! That's classic. No, I've spoken to Erwin about catching a Titan on our next expedition! We don't have the resources to venture outside the walls just for a single Titan! As much as I would LOVE a new friend to play with, that's simply not possible right now.' Said a highly amuse Hange, who turn to you before continuing.

'Now my dear, the three of us have a whole heap of raw data that needs compiling into reports. Said reports will then need to be taken to Erwin for him to peruse. After that, dinner, and a chance for us to share verbally everything we've learnt today! Doesn't that sound fun?!' Hange said with a grin. 

You nodded reluctantly, your heart fluttering furiously at the mention of Commander Smith's name. Paperwork detail was one the one time you actually got to speak one-on-one with the blonde. He would always ask for a brief overview of the report, and occasionally a few more personal things like 'how was life treating you?' and 'have your heard from your family recently?'. Last week, he even invited you to drink tea and go over the reports with him! You'd never forget the way his eyes stared at you from over the teacup, or how a single drop trickled down one side of his mouth, causing his tongue to glide over his full lips to catch it…

'Right then, let's get to work!' Said Hange, once again breaking you out of your daydream. By the walls, this is not good! Two lurid thoughts in the space of five minutes! You needed to get a grip ASAP, or else the afternoon was going to end badly. 

You followed Hange and Moblit down the hall into a room full of random bits of paper. The paper contained everything from rushed notes to doodles (is that Nile Dok being eaten by titans?) to complex field sketches. You sighed. This was going to take hours. At least it would take your mind off of the Commander.

\---------------------------

Four hours later, and most of the pieces of paper have been consolidated into reports. 

'Phew, that took longer than expected!' Said Hange, wiping a hand across their brow dramatically.

'Only because you kept reminiscing about the Titan we captured!' Came Moblit's exasperated reply. 

You giggled to yourself. Despite all the hard work, it had been a very pleasant afternoon's work all in all. It had even succeeded in taking your mind off your more risqué thoughts. You knew full well how stupid was. Veteran or not, you were still just a soldier, and fantasising about your commanding officer was totally unacceptable. As if a man like that would ever see you in the same way. He'd probably laugh and dismiss you immediately. You clearly looked troubled, as Hange placed a hand on your shoulder. 

'What's bothering you, sweet heart? You seemed off when I collected you earlier, and now you seem so sad. Is there anything I can do?' 

'Honestly Hange, I'm not sure there's anything anyone can do. Unless you can erase feelings. That would be handy.' You lament.

Hange stood up and asked Moblit to go and see how the rest of their squad was doing, before taking a seat opposite you and placing a hand on your shoulder once more. 

'Does this have anything to do with Erwin?' Hange asked plainly. You swallow loudly, and nod weakly. 'Oh,' Hange replied. 'Look, my dear. Just because he's the Commander, doesn't mean you have to submit to him in personal matters. I know it's hard to say no in these situations, but if you honestly don't feel attracted to him you can just tell him no.' 

All the blood in your body rushed into your head all at once. Surely Hange wasn't saying what you thought they were saying? Was Hange implying that Commander Smith (Erwin, the treacherous part of your brain corrected you) had some kind of feeling towards you? Bullshit. 

'Oh, shit. He hasn't told you, has he? That man, honestly! He goes on about dedicating hearts, yet he can't even get ahold of his own! He told me he planed to tell you that he's wanted you since you bought him that first report. Whether it's just a physical want or something more I don't know, but the point is that our dear commanding officer would very much like you fuck you into oblivion on top of his desk!' Hange said, excitement and nerves winning over coherency. 

You both sat in silence for a while, Hange trying to calm down and you trying to process things. All this time you've dreamed of one day being with your Commander, wanted him more than any other man (including the ones you've fooled around with during leave) and now someone is sat telling you that you could have him, that he wanted you to have him. It was like your birthday had come early!

'I think I'll take Commander Smith these reports now. If you'll excuse me…' you began to leave with the reports.

'Wait!' Cried Hange. 'I know it's a shock, but please, think on what I've said and how you feel. Erwin may have kept his feelings to himself thus far, but I doubt he'll keep quiet much longer. You need to have an answer ready for the day he finally confesses his feelings for you.'

'Thank you for your advice, Hange, but I fear I made up my mind the second you mentioned fucking on a desk' you said with a wink. 

Hange's face lit up like a child at a street party. Before the Section Commander could say anything further however, you bolted from the room, hurrying along HQ's many room until you reached your destination; Erwin's office. 

However, as you went to knock on the door, you heard something that took you aback. A noise, muffled by the thick wood of the door. Then another. And another. Your mind raced, wondering what could cause him to make such noises, before reaching a logical conclusion; Erwin Smith, Commander of the nation's bravest soldiers, was crying. 

You found yourself caught between the need to leave him be to let him ride it out in silence, and the need to be there to comfort him. Ultimately, and perhaps selfishly, the latter impulse won out. You gave the door a tentative knock. When you didn't hear a response, you quietly opened the door.

Erwin's office looked much the same as it always did. Bookcases lined the walls of the room, filled to the brim with both books and old reports. In the centre of the room was a large desk mahogany desk with some paperwork on one side, indicating that he'd been working before his emotions got the better of him. Just as you began to look for him, another noise catches you attention.

Your name. On his lips.

At first, you assumed it was in recognition of your entry. That is, until you saw him. 

Sat in a corner not too far from the desk, on a rather comfortable-looking armchair, was Erwin Smith. With his trousers and underwear down his legs. Gripping his cock. And saying your name as he did so. 

Your mouth went dry. This was the single sexiest thing you'd ever seen. All those nights alone with your thoughts could not compare with reality. The way the sweat dripped from his perfect brow, the way he had his eyes screwed tight in painful concentration, the way he played with himself…

Then it hit you… what the fuck were you supposed to do now?! You couldn't exactly announce your presence, he'd be furious! (And seriously blue-balled if his dick was as hard as it looked!). But you couldn't exactly join in! That would have been weird! And more than a bit rapey! That left only one option; leave the paperwork on the desk and get the hell out of Dodge before he was lucid enough to notice you. 

As quietly as you could, you crept across the far side of the room, and placed the paperwork on the desk. No doubt he'd ask you later on how it got there, but you'd cross that particular Titan-infested village when you got to it! 

As you crept back towards the door, Erwin grunted your name one final time, before he did start crying; just not out of his tear ducts. 

Internally cringing at the bad joke, you made to leave, when you heard him call you name yet again. Only this time, it's not pleasure that drives his words, but curiosity. 

Suddenly feeling rather bashful, you left the room faster than you've ever done anything in your life. You sprinted towards the mess hall, grabbed your rations, and settled in-between your comrades, earning you some funny looks as you started eating.

A few moments later, Erwin (mercifully fully clothed) entered the mess hall too. You watched as he collected his (notably better) rations and took his usual seat next to Mike at the Officer's Table. The next few moments passed in near silence, the only notices being that of chewing, swallowing, and occasionally talking about the day's events. After a while, you began to relax, assuming that Erwin was probably keen to forget what just transpired. After all, he would probably have preferred you to be naked and sated the first time he came in your presence. You finished your meal, handed in your tray, and were about to leave the hall when a hand on your shoulder stoped you. 

'I'd like to have a word. In private.'


	2. Conclusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who read the comments on the previous chapter (which disappeared after I updated it *sobs over the loss of all the nice things people said*) will know that I planned on writing and releasing this chapter by the end of next week.
> 
> Surprise!
> 
> Turns out nice comments motivate me, so here it is! The conclusion to my first ever fanfic, in all its un-beta'd glory!
> 
> I'll warn you all in advance, this chapter earns its rating for sure. The kink fairies took me away, and I just couldn't stop myself.
> 
> With that in mind, here it is chapter two. Written in one day in a car, on a bench and under a blanket :)

'Oh shit.'

That was the first thing you thought, and as Erwin lead you down the corridor and back to his office, you decided that the statement is rather apt. Your heart beat wildly in your chest, and you could hear your pulse in your ears, making you feel like your head was going to explode. 

How did you get into this? When you first realised you'd have to deliver the report to him there was anticipation. Then there was dread. Then excitement. Then a touch of sympathy. Now, you don't know what you're feeling. Fear? Lust? Both? You caught the man masturbating for fuck sake, how does one even act in a situation like that?!

'By leaving the reports and running away, apparently.' Your brain answered. It really needs to learn how to shut up. Anyhow, that's not the point. The point is that you needed a plan of action. You were about a minute away from your destination, and still had no idea how to react to the situation. You thought through all the potential outcomes. 

Outcome one: he flirtatiously offers to give you a repeat performance, provided you do the same for you.

Outcome two: he awkwardly apologises, and assures you that he'll keep his carnal desires in check. 

Outcome three: he talks. You listen. Then you fuck on the desk, just as Hange had implied that he wanted.

As these thoughts flooded your consciousness, you realised something; you really, REALLY hoped it was outcome three.

The time for thought stopped as you reached your destination. He opened the door, and motioned for you to go inside. As you entered the office, you heard the door shut, followed by the telltale sound of a lock clicking into place. 'Looks like someone finally learnt how to stop people entering at inopportune moments.' You thought. 

Just as you decided to turn around and face your Commander, you felt his warm breath at your ear, and his hands on either side of your lips. You froze, unable to process what was happening. According to Hange, the man couldn't even tell you he wanted you. Now he's touching you in a way that feels equal parts intimate and downright sinful. He finally speaks.

'You know, Cadet, the most curious thing happened earlier on. I was wondering if you could help enlighten me.' He practically purred in your ear.

'O-of course, Sir. Anything.' You felt like you were going to faint. This man had only spoken to you twice this evening, but he already had you more aroused than any other man you've even been with. You wondered if he knew what he was doing to you, or if he was oblivious to his natural powers of seduction.

'You see, I was about to tidy away my paperwork for the day when I spotted a pile of reports on my desk. Reports that I'm sure weren't there when I decided to… take a little break, shall we say? Since most of them appear to be authored by Hange, and since I know you were assisting the Squad Leader this afternoon, I was wondering if you could tell me how they found their way onto my desk.' As he spoke, the large hand on your right hip slid lower, stroking the inside of your thigh. Forget fainting, if your blood rushed any faster you'd die. But what a way to go, seduced to death by the Humanities' Most Handsome Commander. 

'W-what makes you think I know the answer to that, Sir? F-for all y-you know, Hange could have delivered them when you-you were dist-tracted. Ah.' You were beginning to find talking very difficult, as his right hand abandoned your thigh in favour of toying with the hem of your shirt. You begin to silently curse every deity in existence, because your belts were stopping him from progressing any further. However, the moment after you thought it, you heard the sound of said belts being undone. 

'Mmm, well here's my theory. I think that one of my naughty little underlings snuck in here during my 'break', placed the reports on my desk, then scurried into the mess hall as fast as her little legs would carry her. That rules out Hange, of course. I've know Titans that could sneak into places quieter than Hange. It could have been Moblit, but that's doubtful; he's not the kind of person to go sneaking into his superior's office without permission. That only leaves you, my dear. So I want you to be honest with me. Did you sneak into my office?' He asked, finally loosening the belts enough to slide both hands onto your bare navel.

'Yes Sir, I did. I-I thought you were crying, so I le-le-let myself-f in. I'm sorry.' You finally confessed, practically sobbing with need. 

'Tsk, tsk, you really are a naughty little cadet, aren't you? First you enter here without permission while I'm fantasising about how those tits of yours would feel in my hands,' his fingers glide up your chest to play with the skin just underneath your breasts (thank the walls you neglected to wear a bra today) 'and then you lie to me about it. I really can't tolerate such blatant insubordination, Cadet. You know what that means?' You shake your head. 'Punishment.' He growls lowly into your ear. 

His hands grasped your waist once more, and forced you over towards the armchair you found him on earlier. It wasn't the biggest chair in the world, but you were sure that it was fit for whatever purpose the Commander desired. Just before you could discover what exactly it was he wanted, he stopped, and pulled your body flush against his, before speaking into you ear once more.

'You have two choices. You can leave now, and we'll forget this whole thing. I'll not pester you, and we'll go back to being Commander and Cadet just like always. Or,' at this point he started nibbling on your ear, 'you can take your punishment like a good girl, before I make you feel so amazing you'll not be able to look me in the eye for weeks without soaking your underwear in pure want of me. The choice is yours. I'll warn you now though, this is the last chance you'll have to back out. If you agree to this, you're agreeing to let me take charge. To be in charge. To command your body personally, not just professionally. I won't hurt you, and if you need to slow down then that's fine. But understand this; I've wanted you for so long that I'll not hesitate to take you, now that you're here. So, make your choice. Stay with me, and have the time of your life, or leave me to fantasise about what could have been.'

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. When he first touched you, you thought that that would be the most aroused you would ever be in your life. But after hearing Erwin's terms and feeling him pressed up against your body, you realised that this is what true sinful bliss feels like. The star of every dirty daydream was here in the flesh, asking you if you wanted to make said daydreams a reality. There was only ever going to be one answer.

'Punish me, Sir.' You said with surprising clarity, given how far gone you were. 

'In which case, my devious little minx, let us begin.' One final nip on your ear, and he set his plan into motion. 

His warmth left your body entirely, as he stalked around your figure. 

'Very nice.' He said, as he sat down in the chair. 'But it could be nicer. Remove your equipment. Not your uniform, mind. Just your equipment.'

'Y-yes Sir.' You saluted him out of habit, before setting yourself to the task at hand. Thanks to Erwin's earlier ministrations, in no time at all your belts, gear and little leather 'skirt' were in a heap on the floor by your feet. You pushed them to one side before facing your Commander again, awaiting his next instruction. Erwin beckoned you closer before issuing his next order.

'Unbutton your trousers. Crawl across my lap, then pull them down to your knees.' You comply immediately, undoing the fastening of your trousers and sprawling across his lap as best you could before pulling them down as instructed. 

Erwin rubbed his hand over your underwear, the fabric obscenely moist with arousal. Letting out a pleased groan, he stroked you briefly before speaking again.

'Smart little devil that you are, I'm sure you've figured out what comes next. I'm going to spank you. Gently, at first. Need to warm this ass of yours up for the real smacks.' At that moment, he forcibly grabs one ass cheek, and squeezes it roughly. You let out a small moan. 'I think twenty should do it. That's how many months I've fucked my own hand wishing it was your cunt, your mouth, even your ass. Anything of yours. You have no idea what you do to me. So I'm going to show you. And you're going to love it!' With that last word, the hits began.

Erwin did start softly as promised, though Erwin's idea of what constitutes soft is very different to what you'd consider soft. The first ten had you gasping out in shock at the sting. The next five almost make you regret deciding to take his punishment. The final five set your arousal blazing, pain turning into the most amazing pleasure you've ever felt in your life. You felt like you could come from this alone, with nothing stimulating your clitoris or your breasts. As the final blow struck, you began to hope he'd make good on his promise of satisfaction, otherwise you'd go mad. 

As if he could read your mind, mere moments after he'd finished with the hits, he pushed your underwear to one side and stuck two of his massive fingers inside of you. They side in with little resistance, a true testament to just how wet he's made you tonight. As he begins finger-fucking you in earnest, he leans forward to talk to you again. 

'Well done, Cadet. You took them like such a good little slut. Though not quite as well as you're taking my fingers.' He twists them a little, making you cry out in ecstasy. 'That's it, take them deep. Show me just how nice that sweet little pussy of yours really is. I want to hear you scream for me. I want you so fucking far gone that you won't even think twice about riding my cock the way you're riding my hand.' 

The sound of his voice brought you right to the edge, and when he stroked his thumb against you clit, you feel straight off of it. Sparks of pure euphoria spread from your groin to the rest of your body, shutting down your brain and making your whole body feel more alive than ever. 

He fucked you though your orgasm, and only withdrew his fingers when you'd stopped twitching around them. He yanked your trousers and now-ruined underwear down your legs, and manoeuvred you in such a way that you were straddling his lap, your eyes locking places. 

'Well, that was quite the show. Though I'll admit, I much prefer more active audience participation. Shall I give you a moment to compose yourself, or are you ready for me to show you just how much I've wanted you?' Erwin said calmly, though the way his chest was heaving and his erection was pressing into you proved he was anything BUT calm.

You looked into his eyes, the beautiful blue of them almost completely lost due to his dilated pupils. As physically and mental exhausted as you felt, you knew there was no way you were willing to wait any longer to feel him inside you.

'Fuck me, Sir. Show me just how much you want me. Send me back to the barracks smelling of sweat and arousal, then do it to me all over again tomorrow.' At the sound of your words, Erwin finally lost his composure. Yanking his trousers and underwear down to his knees, he entered you swiftly and forcefully, making you scream his name. Giving you a moment to adjust, he took your shirt off, and was greeted by two perfectly perky nipples. Grabbing you by the hips, he took a nipple into his mouth and he began to fuck up into you. 

The pace he set was hard and fast, hardly a shock given how far gone he was in regards to his lust. You put your hands in his well-groomed hair, grabbing on for dear life as he dragged you ever closer to the edge for a second time. His mouth started to alternate between nipples, and his thumbs occasionally brushed up against your clit once again. It was too much, but yet no where near enough. You started moaning his name over and over again, until your body felt like it was on fire, and you came so hard you were sure you passed out for a moment. Erwin kept up his pace for a few more thrusts, until the sensation of you squeezing his cock proved too much. He came with a moan, your name on his tongue said like a prayer. 

As you both came down, you felt him leave your body, followed by your join arousal. It dripped onto the armchair, certain to stain it. But to be honest, you couldn't give a single fuck.

After a moment, you stood up on shaky legs, Erwin moving to steady you. You located your clothing and redressed, but not before cleaning yourself up the best you could with your already ruined underwear. You'd have to have a proper wash once you left.

Erwin meanwhile redressed himself, before standing up himself. Once you were finished, he ran his hand through your hair.

'I fear I must apologise. I've wanted you for so long, but feared your rejection so much that I had convinced myself that I didn't need you. I told myself that the thought of you alone would be enough. When I saw you sneaking out of my office earlier I was confused. 'Why didn't she say anything?' I thought. 'Doesn't she think I'm a pervert?'. I knew that there were two possibilities; either you were the kind of person who wouldn't ever raise a fuss for fear of attracting attention, or you weren't totally disgusted, and might even be tempted to join me in my fantasies. I'll admit, I took a chance on it being the latter, but when have I ever been one to shy away from taking chances?' He said earnestly. 'Look, I know all we've really talked about today is sex, but I would like us to be something more than that. From all the conversations we've shared, I can tell you're the kind of woman for me, and I want to give it a shot. We'll have to be discreet, as we can't risk anyone finding out, but still. We can make this work. If you'll just give me a cha…' you cut him off with a kiss.

'Erwin,' you said, removing your lips from his. 'I already agreed to do whatever you wanted tonight. I'm pretty sure us starting an affair counts as 'anything'. So yes, if you'll have me, I'm all yours.' You said, smiling.

'Thank you,' came Erwin's earnest reply. He kissed your forehead. 'I have one final command for the night; get some rest. I'll need you in top condition tomorrow. After all, I do believe you requested a repeat performance tomorrow night. I don't want you flaking out on me.' Smiling, he gave you one final kiss before walking with you to the door and showing you out.

As you walked back to the barracks, you find yourself wondering…

'Why didn't he tell me he wanted me sooner?!'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to thank anyone who read both this and the previous chapter. It makes me happy to think that people might actually be enjoying my work.
> 
> As with the last chapter, I welcome all comments and suggestions. 
> 
> I hope to write another story soon, though who it shall star remains to be seen. After all, there are lots of shows and characters out there. Watch this space is all I'll say 
> 
> Again, thank you all so much for reading, and hope to see you again soon

**Author's Note:**

> So… thoughts? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, and would help me in the long run.
> 
> You're all probably why it's rated E when very little sexy stuff happened. Well, brace yourselves, for I plan to add another chapter. Unless everyone hated this one. Then I guess I'll just try again :/ 
> 
> Thank you for reading x


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